So, it's 35 years of Roe v. Wade today. Here in the feminist blogosphere, we're all thinking about what voting pro-choice means.
And, let's face it. Nothing brings out the feminist manifesta in me than Blog for Choice Day. Nothing gets my cervix in a knot more than waking up to NPR's "homage" to Roe (i.e. the latest set of attacks against Roe). So, grab a cuppa joe and settle in for a little classic LX ranting (yes, mom, this is a rated "R" post...). 'Cause hey: if I can't say it here, where can I say it?
So, all day today, I've been lightly dreading this post. Regular readers here at Chez Lingual know that I am, without question, a feminist, pro-choice blogger. (Newbie visitors! Welcome! Regarding the previous sentence: please see the categories of "Radical Uterus" and "Stepford Wife in Training" to your left for further evidence...) But, how many more ways can I say it? Oh, sure, I can lean lightly over to the bookshelf of feminist wisdom and quote everyone from Margaret Sanger to Kate Michelman, but at the end of the day: who is really listening? Do you really want me to quote Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale AGAIN? AGAIN? AGAIN?
And see, on the very surface of things, this is where I find Barack Obama attractive. Aren't you sick of the continual clash of the left and the right? Aren't you sick of FOX News vs. NPR vs. The New York Times vs. The National Review vs. Pacifica vs. NBC? Wouldn't it be great if we could all get along? Wouldn't it be great if Obama and McCain brought beer? A really great beer with bottled beer taste in a can? (Oh sorry--that's another post...)
But here's the thing: abortion isn't like an eco-friendly Hummer (okay--we all know that an eco-friendly Hummer isn't really eco-friendly, but you get the point).
Let me say that again. Abortion isn't an eco-friendly Hummer.
There's no real place to meet in the middle. Taxes? Maybe. War? Possibly. Health care? The Economy? Sure! We agree that those are serious, vote-worthy issues, even though we don't agree how to address the. But abortion? The two sides of the abortion wars are perpetually divided, a political schism the size of the San Andreas fault running through the very foundation of this country. We can't just all get along.
Over at Salon.com, Rebecca Traister writes in the introduction to her interviews with feminists on the importance of Roe:
I wish it were possible to raise a glass, give a birthday toast, and
claim that Roe didn't look a day over 29, but alas, this is a
bittersweet bash. A mere three and half decades after her birth, Roe
shows her age: She's been weakened, knocked around, had big bites taken
out of her.
Now, I take umbrage at the fact that 35 is old. Those of us in our 30s know that we're just hitting our stride... But here's the thing: America is a cruel and perverted daddy ready to encourage us to show a little skin and then to beat us for having sex. America is peering through the keyhole of our bedroom, enjoying what he sees, and getting ready to lecture us about it later.
America likes its little girls full of sexual promise. Think about Jonbenet Ramsey's already sexual pout, hands on hips, full of intent. Want a poster child for what's wrong with women's roles in the United States? Look at the Britney Spears debacle of motherhood. When she was in her naughty school girl uniform, showing just enough skin America drooled in front of the television. While she was slithering around 3/4 naked on stage with a snake, America licked the screen. When she graduated to leather, America jacked off in the corner. And now that she's a mother? An unfit mother? She's bitch-slapped with every insult possible.
The fight over choice amounts to this: America wants you to have sex. No lap dances. No titty fucks. America wants you to have good, old fashioned, full penetration sex. Lots of it. And then America wants you to pay for it. Literally.
It's all well and good that the conservative movement wants to talk about "pro-life" and saving babies. But at the end of the day, is any compassionate conservatism actually motivated by some real sense of biblical justice? I ask this, with all sincerity, who would Jesus bomb?
So, here's my point: sure, we can talk about patriarchy. We can talk about women's rights over their own bodies. We can talk about the woman's body as a public possession. We can talk about when life begins. We can talk politics. We can talk religion. We can talk philosophy. Those are all valid points. Those are all important points. But, perhaps, we also need to talk about money. Because really, aren't conservative arguments in the U.S. always about money? Here's a tagline for you: Ain't nobody nowhere making Enron-style money off of an abortion clinic. Ain't no off shore bank accounts accruing "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" kinds of cash from the economics of abortions.
Here's the question: why vote pro-choice? For the same reasons that you vote for things like national health care plans or to end the war or to really fund education. Because no one is going to give you those things. We live in a capitalist country run by money. And nothing talks money like a beautiful, bouncing baby. MSNBC offers helpful tips on "Raising Your Quarter-Million Dollar Baby." Here's a chilling quote:
For 2004, the newest data available, the U.S.
Department of Agriculture estimates that families making $70,200 a year
or more will spend a whopping $269,520 to raise a child from birth
through age 17. Higher-income families in urban areas in the West spend
the most, $284,460.
Though not as steep, the figures for
lower-income families are just as unsettling: $184,320 for families
earning $41,700 to $70,200 and $134,370 for families making less than
that. That breaks down to nearly $15,000 a year from birth to age 2 for
families in the $65,800 -plus income bracket. As your child ages, he or
she gets even more expensive, topping out at $15,810 from ages 15 to
17. This is no back-of-the-envelope guesstimate. The survey involves
visits to, and interviews with, about 5,000 households, four times a
year.
That's for 1 kid, to age 18. Read: no college. It's in the conservative best interest to have middle-class families making as many babies as possible. Think: bigger houses, more bedrooms! Health care premiums! Diapers! Formula! Day Care! Day Care! Day Care! Private School Vouchers! And don't forget about the strollers! (You will die if you don't buy the best buggy in town...). Don't even get me started on student loans. I could go on and on and on...
Now, I'm not actually saying you shouldn't have kids. If you want kids, go for it. Do it. Be a good parent. Be good parents. Be intentional. Be loving. But, here's the thing: your government wants you to have a kid only because it's good for the economy. If we lived under a government that really cared about kids, then kids would have universal health care. Kids would have great schools. Parents would have good day care programs or wouldn't have to have two parents working just to scrape by. Children's services would be functional and well-funded. Parents would be supported.
But here's my point: we don't live in that world. And in the same way that you can't really have an eco-friendly Hummer, you can't have a world where kids don't have health care, but you have to have a kid.
When you vote, the issues are all connected. And, at the end of the day? It's the poor and the middle class, brandishing their swords against the rich. We may talk a good game of democracy and hope and change. But, no one is going to change the world for you. You're going to have to get up, go to the voting booth, and do it with everyone else who believes what you believe.
You're going to have to stand and fight because at the end of the day, it's not in America's best interest to let you make your own decisions. It's much better to dupe you into thinking that, in post 9/11 Bush eloquence, that the single best thing you can do after a horrific terrorist attack literally stops the nation, you should shop. Or have a baby. Whatever. Just keep that money flowing.
Why am I voting pro-choice? Because I believe that America needs sexual rehab. America needs a reality check. I have to fight to make America about more than money. I want to get America off the couch and into the soup kitchen. I want to get America into a philosophy course. An ethics course. I want America to stop bombing things. I want a truly changed America. And for me, that's an America where every kid is a wanted kid. That's an America where parents want to be parents. I want an America that really cares about its kids.
You remember your high school self. You might have had good SAT
scores. Maybe you were a National Merit Scholar. Maybe you were
average. Maybe you were a band geek. Maybe you were a prom queen.
Maybe you dated the prom queen. Whatever. The point is: we all had
our mirror-obsessive moments of "am I cute enough?" "Will they like
me?" But, that's the stuff of childhood.
The great thing about 30 is that we've all learned a lot. Men,
women. We're smarter in our 30s than we were in our 20s, in our teens.
So, hey. Let's rewrite Roe. Let's make her sassy, with a touch of gray in her hair. Let's make her old enough to say what's really on her mind. Let's make Roe the proud mother of 2. Let's make Roe bold and strong. Let's make her a leader. Let's make her a bitch. Let's help Roe with a new motto: "Let's fuck shit up." Let's make Roe a Margaret Thatcher "winner takes all" kind of woman. Let's take Roe all the way, baby. Let's make Roe a grandma and great-grandma and great-great-grandma who loves to wear purple and escort women into clinics. Let's vote Roe president.
Happy birthday Roe. You're my favorite bitch in town.

Kisses and hugs,
Lingual X
Read on!
New Faces:
The Feminist Faithful:
Aw, heck. Just go read them all for yourself! The WHOLE List of 2008 Blog for Choice bloggers...
And, check out Salon.com's special feature on 35 years...
And, of course, a trip down memory lane:
My 2006 Blog for Choice Post
My 2007 Blog for Choice Post
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